I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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