I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
