Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
