my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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