The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
