The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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