Screwed.edu
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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