I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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