Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
