I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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