Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
