There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
