woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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