Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
