I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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