u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
