everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
