her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
