How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
