you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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