oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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