brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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