It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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