i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
