I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
