Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
