the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
