I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
