"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
