I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
