If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
