if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
