I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
