I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
