so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
