im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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