after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
