best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
