Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
