I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i think i just lost a toe
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
