I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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