Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
