I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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