But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
