After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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