Your face is a jimmy john
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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