Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
