she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
