she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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