so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
