Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
