I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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