I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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