I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
