youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize