I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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