Your face is a jimmy john
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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