thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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