btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
