i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
