These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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